The Art of Letting Go

Some time around 2001 | A baby picture of me, and who people are tearing apart when they do so.

I went to sleep feeling nauseous and woke up feeling the same. I thought my thoughts would clear, as they do every morning after a mindful night. But sometimes The Art of Letting Go isn’t as pretty as it sounds, it is devastating, as a matter of fact, heart- and soul-shattering.

Living in the year 2026 is like living in the longest collective nightmare to ever exist. I am speechless, without words, to experience the state of the world as it is today. I have to be very cautious with my words because I am trying to restrain from sounding neglectful of the matter. There are people that turn down the noise for their convenience, and others who do it to be able to make a difference in this world, to leave an impact, to unite humanity. I am one of those collective few who turn down the noise to be able to act with clarity.

Consciousness is the most precious and valuable tool of mankind, and it is constantly targeted on an everyday basis by the media and political figures. As of right now, there is a man in office starting and supporting international and civil wars. Many lives have been lost, and I am filled with guilt yet gratitude to be able to be on the side of writing about it rather than the one being victimized. And who even knows if I can be next?

As a gay male Puerto Rican, I no longer feel safe in the nation I once called home. I had to disconnect from all social media platforms that are filled with dopamine charges and restless scrolling. The world is in panic. The world is disappointed, distraught, feeling powerless, which is what those in higher power like for us to feel so they do not lose their power.

I gained my power back as I deleted all of my social media applications and enrolled in a political science class at my college, which is going great so far, proving this current administration’s autocracy fantasies. I wrote an impeachment request on the dehumanizing forces running the current state of the United States of America that I will be dropping off at my congressional representative’s office next week. I am so sick of their psychological mind games and their attacks on humans and human consciousness through algorithms.

It is the most sickening thing to ever experience as a constituent of a “FREE” nation. I am devastated to see people being stripped away from their constitutional rights that shaped the country as a whole. I am devastated to see people not being able to live in some state of peace or ease with the ongoing atrocious events that have been going on since the beginning of this current administration’s inauguration.

Besides all of this, I sleep alone at night. There is someone who I truly love and always fought for, but I was always deemed delusional. Although every time we spoke or exchanged energies, our souls spoke before our tongues ever did. What we felt for one another, although one end of the receptive was in denial, was true.

It was true in being.
It was true in essence.
It was true in frequency.

This is another field I had to rescue myself from, not delusion, but illusion: seeing something in someone that they cannot see in themselves, or possibly never will. Maybe there is someone out in this world who is meant to provide me the world that I wanted to offer to the one I truly loved.

I never thought in this lifetime I’d be the parent that has a secret lover, a secret person who I always wished I could have pursued. I can’t say that this person never cared, because that would be an understatement. But despite all of our experiences, and traveling each corner of the East Coast. from the thirteen colonies, to the tip of the South, now to my home in the Caribbean seas, this significant other never found the space to open their heart to me. And so I needed to respect that, as this person is performative for those who will never know them for who I truly will.

Waking up stripped from the world, with no more social media, made me feel naked. Waking up with the thought that maybe he and I were never meant to last for life made me feel replaceable, worthless, unrested. Yet all of this was in exchange to regain and snatch my power back from those who dragged my consciousness through the mud.

Now I shall water my plant with pure water, care, and true sunlight.